Arguments and health: what happens in the body?

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Can an argument affect your body? It is possible. In a study by Kiecolt-Glaser and colleagues, minor wounds healed more slowly after an argument than after a supportive conversation. Healing also took longer for couples who frequently interacted with each other in a hostile manner. So, it is primarily about how you talk to one another, rather than the fact that you disagree.

What’s in it for you, Lifestyle Habits Explorer? You’ll learn what the research showed, what it doesn’t prove, and how to keep conversations calm by taking small steps. This way, you can grow closer and reduce stress.

What does research say about arguments and wound healing?

The study took place in a hospital. Forty-two healthy couples stayed in a research unit for two 24-hour periods. On the first occasion, they engaged in a supportive conversation. On the second, they discussed a topic on which they disagreed, such as money or family.

Using a gentle suction technique, researchers created small blisters on each participant's arm. They then monitored the rate of skin recovery on a daily basis. They also analyzed substances in the blood and wound fluid associated with inflammation.

What did the researchers observe?

• After the conflict discussion, small wounds healed more slowly than after the supportive discussion.
• Couples who displayed a lot of hostile behavior during both discussions also healed more slowly on average. Examples include criticism, an angry tone, or eye-rolling.
• In these couples, levels of inflammatory markers in the blood were higher the morning after the conflict. Over time, this could play a role in health outcomes.

This was a small study. It shows an association, but it does not prove that arguing causes illness. Moreover, wound healing is just one small aspect of your health.

It’s about the tone, not the argument itself

Every couple argues from time to time. That’s normal. The study didn’t focus on just a single bad day; researchers only classified a couple as “hostile” if they displayed above-average hostile behavior in both conversations. It was about a pattern.

That’s good news. After all, you can work on your tone, your habits, and how to express your emotions effectively. You can read more about the power of connection in our blog post, Happiness Is Contagious.

Tips for a calmer conversation

Each tip below aligns with the study's findings:

• Watch your tone. Criticism, sarcasm, and eye-rolling were classified as hostile behavior. Ask yourself: how does this sound to the other person?
• Talk about your feelings. Say “I feel tense when the schedule changes” instead of “You never do what you say.”
• Take a break. Do you feel tension rising? Say: “I want to discuss this calmly. Shall we continue in twenty minutes?”
• Choose the right moment. Don’t start a conversation when you are tired or hungry. It is better to pick a quiet time.
• Look for moments of support, too. The study showed that a supportive conversation looks very different from a conflict-ridden one. Try asking each other questions like, “What can I help you with this week?”
• Take care of the basics. Sleep, exercise, and a calm day help you stay composed.
• Seek support outside the relationship. A good conversation with a friend can also help.

Frequently asked questions about communication

Does this mean I can never argue again?

Not at all. Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship. The study focused on a persistent pattern of hostile interaction, not just a single argument. Above all, try to remain respectful and keep communicating effectively, even when you are angry.

Does this apply to other relationships, such as with friends or colleagues?

This study looked only at married couples, so we do not know if the findings apply to other types of relationships. However, stress caused by a negative atmosphere at work or in friendships can certainly be unpleasant. Maintaining a calm tone can help in any situation.

What can I do after a heated argument?

First, give yourself and the other person some space to calm down. Then revisit the conversation, starting with something positive—such as "I’d really like to resolve this properly with you." A small gesture, like having a cup of tea together, can also help ease the tension.

When is it a good idea to seek help?

If you are unable to talk calmly or frequently experience tension, it is wise to speak with a qualified professional, such as a relationship therapist or your GP.

Your next small step

You don’t have to change everything at once. Choose one tip this week and give it a try. Perhaps it’s taking a break when a conversation gets heated, or starting a difficult conversation in a friendlier way. Small habits can help you respond more calmly and feel better.

Looking for more inspiration for a positive lifestyle? Check out our blogs on self-development and discover which small habit you can start today.

Lifestyle Habits

Lifestyle Habits helps you with practical, accessible digital products in the areas of nutrition, self-development, and simple money management - like courses, ebooks, and step-by-step plans to turn small, conscious lifestyle habits into lasting change.

This article is based on research by Kiecolt-Glaser et al. (2005) on hostile marital interactions and wound healing. It was written by the founder of Lifestyle Habits, drawing on years of practical experience and self-study in personal development, complemented by reliable sources and scientific research. Curious about who is behind Lifestyle Habits and what the brand stands for? Check out the webpage About Lifestyle Habits.

The content of Lifestyle Habits is intended solely for general, educational, and informative purposes and serves as inspiration. No personal (medical or psychological) advice is given, and no health claims are made. No rights can be derived from the content. If you have questions about your personal situation, health, or well-being, it's always wise to consult a recognized specialist.